please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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