I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
