Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize