if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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