im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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