Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
