If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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