I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
