You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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