I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
