i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
