so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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