you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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