i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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