is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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