He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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