Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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