***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
