I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
