I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
