I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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