i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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