did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
