And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
