Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
