So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't turn off my feet"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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