Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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