speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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