Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
