I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
