I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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