I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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