Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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