it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
