I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
