The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
