Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
