I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
