Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
