im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
