Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
