We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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