I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
