I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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