Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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