babies were throwing up all over the place
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
