i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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