Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
