I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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