half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
