When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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