shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
