As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
