saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize