I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
