Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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