Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize