the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
