ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
