Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
