did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
