Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
