Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
