You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
