Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
